"LOL... Rudy Canoza... The Intellectual, Moral, Professional, Social, Literary And Physical Superior To AlleyPussyBitch, The Squat-To-Piss
No-Fight Faggot Narcissist"
[giggle]
Only an undeserved narcissistic loser toots his faggot dick like that, to people who CAN'T care less, and realize what kind of psycho (from
California, no less... I know... redundant), we're dealing with, here.
Self-promotion is a form of impression management aiming to present to others a positive image of oneself by emphasizing one's strengths,
contributions, or accomplishments.
In the workplace, self-promotion is often targeted at leaders, with employees trying to show a positive image and impress their leader.
Self-promotion does not always impress observers though, and we propose that leaders high on NARCISSISM are more likely to be impressed by
employee self-promotion than those low on NARCISSISM for two reasons.
First, NARCISSISTS endorse and engage in self-promotion themselves, and the similarity-attraction principle suggests that people more
easily develop affective regard for and show more positive behavior towards those who are more like them, resulting in having a better
relationship with them.
Second, because NARCISSISTS are instrumental and exploitative, they are particularly sensitive to self-promoters' message that they are an
important and influential group member who potentially forms a useful asset to the leader. In turn, we expect high leader-member exchange
(LMX) and perceived importance to be positively related to leader evaluations of employee performance.
We tested this model twice, once using two scenario experiments and once in a multi-source field study among 311 leader-follower dyads.
Overall, the results suggest that, as expected, the relationship between self-promotion and both perceived LMX and perceived importance of
the employee depends on leader NARCISSISM.
============================================================================
AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his little pencil neck to the
amusement of all.
You probably spend a small amount of time feeling sorry for Rudy, but elated when this undeserved narcissist starts spouting his hate and
bile.
You see how Rudy treats other people (even fellow gays on the left), and it's quite funny.
Have you ever wondered how to make a Rudy, the narcissist, miserable and what makes him afraid or triggered? (maybe for a second... then
it's gone)
Just for the record, trying to make Rudy, the narcissist, miserable might have its place for a short period of time, but I don't recommend
focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably get old, like Rudy's insults.
But, if you need a quik fix, let's get into the top things all narcissists, like Rudy, hate. (quick misspelled on purpose)
How to Make Rudy, the narcissist, Miserable
Lack Of Acknowledgment:
It's no secret that most narcissists, like Rudy, revel in admiration and validation (except for 'closet narcissists', like Rudy). Rudy
depends on constant approval to maintain his sense of intrinsic worth. To achieve this goal, he TRIES to absorb (or steal) the energy of
other people.
"... you you no-fight faggot." - Rudy
"... you toothless squat-to-piss no-fight faggot" - Rudy
"Kicked your flabby faggot ass again. Yes." - Rudy
"You a Squat-to-Piss Faggot." - Rudy
Do you ever wonder why narcissists, like Rudy, don't seem to mind the negative attention? It's because negative attention also fuels his
narcissistic fire.
ANY NEGATIVITY IS STILL GETTING ATTENTION, AND ANY FORM OF ATTENTION GIVES HIM THE INCENTIVE TO KEEP GOING. IT GIVES him THE MOTIVATION TO
KEEP PROVING HIMSELF.
In fact, he often likes negative attention better, because if you're still amused by his emotional crimes, he can try to exploit this.
Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is the real threat. To Rudy, the narcissist, indifference is even more of an issue than hatred. Rudy's
rather you have a negative opinion than have no opinion at all.
(sick fuck)
Narcissists, like Rudy, can't stand it when no one is paying attention to him. Rudy doesn't know how to feel important or special if he
isn't the center of the universe or consuming someone's thoughts. This is also why the traditional Grey Rock method is often pointless and
why complete avoidance is
the best route (or extreme modified contact... just ignore the sick fuck).
When People Speak Factually:
Have you ever paid close attention to how Rudy, the narcissist, speaks? Rudy use excessive, long-winded language charged with grandiose
emotion.
"The disgusting gurgling, slurping sounds below are just the faggots Hartung, Sanitary Napkin and Bit of Nothingness enjoying a three-
way" - Rudy
"I've beaten *you* to a bloody pulp, you squat-to-piss *no-fight* faggot - every fucking time. You're a zero, as every, stale, squat-to-
piss *no-fight* faggot who incessantly bleats about "mommy's basement" *ALWAYS* is." - Rudy, the basement dweller and overall mommy's boy.
[giggle]
"YOU lose, Nazi faggot." - Rudy
Rudy skews reality to meet his world-view, and he believe his truth is always the truth.
Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, he's spent his entire life observing the emotional language of other people and using
it to his advantage. So, when you speak in facts instead of using emotion, he intuitively understands he has less of an upper hand.
Therefore, he hates it when someone challenges him with facts instead of emotion. Rudy will usually retaliate with more arguing or
hysteria.
"Stupid lying shit-4-braincell Google Groups shitbag loser lied" - Rudy Canoza
"Because I read the reliable news, you fucking toothless advanced-Alzheimer's shit-4-braincell Google Groups loser shitbag"
"Imbecilic Google Groups loser shitbag." (his most ardent admirers, the gays, use Google Groups... tee hee)
This childish response simply shows that he feel out-of-control. Rudy's attempt to elevate the conversation's intensity by throwing an
emotional temper tantrum.
"Hysterical histrionic estrogen-oozing squat-to-piss fairy, who was *NOT* a three-letter athlete, *NEVER* a bouncer, *NEVER* a golf pro,
*NEVER* a lifeguard, *NEVER* dunked a basketball, and has *NEVER* been laid - squealed and shrieked."
If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist's immaturity. His inability to absorb facts demonstrates his incompetence in
approaching most adult interactions.
Rudy is not skilled in the language of facts because he is always lying and hiding things, so speaking factually throws him completely off-
balance.
Authority:
Narcissists, like Rudy, detest authority. That's because he resents having to answer to anybody but himself (mommy orders him around,
further compounding his anger).
Any sense of authority threatens his inherent desire for power and control.
It's not uncommon for narcissists, like Rudy, to have issues at work (LOL), school (LOL), or with the law. Has the narcissist in your life
had multiple jobs?
Is he frequently getting reprimanded for his behavior?
While narcissists, like Rudy, can be intelligent, he often come across as combative and unfit in professional environments. If confronted
by his inappropriate behavior, he tends to deny or rationalize his part.
Of course, it's no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists, like Rudy. Supervisors (LOL) find him unruly and
unreasonable.
Rudy can't understand why the person can't follow basic directions without such volatile reactions.
Being Told No:
Of all things, Rudy, the narcissist, hates being told no (and actually following through with it) tops the list. Narcissists, like Rudy,
are used to manipulating and weaseling his way into getting what he wants.
Often, he'll pull all the stops to accomplish this task. He's spent his whole life charming people to meet his needs.
That's why telling him no, and being adamant on your stance, often causes such an angry reaction. Rudy, the narcissist, isn't just upset
about the denial - he's downright confused by it!
Narcissists, like Rudy, can't actually fathom why someone would refuse him. Because he lacks real empathy, he can't understand what must be
going on in your mind. Moreover, even if he tries to comprehend it, he refuses to accept this reality.
Implementing Consequences:
Have you ever tried to set a boundary with Rudy, the narcissist,? How well did it go? Most likely, you tried to implement a limit, and he
reacted in one of three ways:
Dismissing you altogether and gas-lighting your feelings, acknowledging his mistake (LOL), and then doing nothing to change, reacting with
intense rage, threats, or even physical violence.
"You impotent little cunt whom I would squash like a bug if I ever saw you."
Narcissists, like Rudy, can't accept any real consequences. Rudy can't see when he's wrong, and he can't understand how someone would ever
think he's wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, he simply wouldn't care. As a result, he tends to react disproportionately to
boundaries and
serious conversations as a means to intimidate you and force you into compliance.
Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists, like Rudy.
Losing At Anything:
Have you ever observed young children playing a board game? If so, you probably witnessed plenty of cheating behaviours and dramatic
reactions to losing. It's acceptable when the players are three years old, but what happens when you're referring to full-fledged adults,
like Rudy?
Narcissists, like Rudy, can resemble toddlers, in that he tend to be extremely sore losers. Rudy struggles to accept losing, and he also
tends to lash out when it happens. A few scenarios may occur:
Rudy repeatedly proclaims a person on Usenet is incompetent. Rudy's attempt to defame or humiliate the winner. Rudy pretends he didn't care
about winning. Rudy insists that he "let the other person" take the spotlight. Rudy refuses to accept that he lost and awkwardly acts as if
he's the actual
winner.
Public Humiliation:
Because narcissists, like Rudy, are sore losers, he can't handle real or perceived public humiliation. Rudy just can't tolerate the threat
of failure. To him, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat.
(and THAT'S why he HAS to be the last poster in a thread, if he has felt that he's been slighted, in the least)
We all know that narcissists, like Rudy, have incredibly fragile egos. When he believes someone is making fun of him or if he's not the
perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts his existence. As a result, he'll do anything to protect his fragile ego. Some
common responses include:
Making violent or emotionally-charged threats:
"I can kill you with one hand. You know this."
Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on an ally:
"No one aksed(sic) you, Google Groups faggot (wy aka edell, bruce2bowser, galt_ 57, B Hassleback, etc.)." - Rudy Canoza
Screaming or yelling:
*FAGGOT!*
Walking away with obvious anger
Laughing it off in public only to lash out later
Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert
Expectations of Commitment
Most narcissists, like Rudy, are terrible with commitment. Although he believes he deserves all senses of loyalty, he doesn't usually
provide it himself. As a result, when he gets into relationships (mommy only), he doesn't consider her needs. He's only accounting for his
own emotions, impulses, and
desires.
Unfortunately, his mother holds onto wistful hope about her narcissist changing. She listens to how the narcissist praises and adores her.
She holds onto fleeting promises that this time will be different.
Yet, Rudy, the narcissist makes all the rules. Rudy decides what he wants to do, and he does it when he wants to do it. Therefore, he can
break and change the rules in ways that suits him.
99% of Other People:
How many friends does your narcissist have? Probably very few (more like NONE). Usually, his only friends are other people who validate his
narcissism, like mommy.
Subsequently, how often do you hear Rudy complain about other people? (ALL THE TIME) More times than you can count, probably! That's
because a single wrongdoing often results in lifetime resentment. One mistake tarnishes an entire reputation.
Narcissists, like Rudy, struggle to get along with anyone who doesn't fit into his falsified worldview. Rudy can't stand to be challenged.
Rudy can't tolerate the ideas that other people may know more than him.
If he's a cerebral narcissist, he is convinced that he is unique and should only associate with other special or high-status individuals.
In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts his sense of god-like stature, you can bet that his reaction will be explosive and
malicious.
Therefore, narcissists, like Rudy, can't tolerate people who actually live in reality. That's why you rarely see people with strong
boundaries tolerating narcissists, like Rudy, for very long.
When You Change The Status Quo:
Narcissists, like Rudy, hate change when it's out of his control. When you challenge Rudy, the narcissist, he remains in a defeating
pattern full of resentment and frustration, lashing out to make himself feel dominate.
===========================================================================================================================================
Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that a narcissist is someone who has "buried his true self-expression in response to EARLY INJURIES and
replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory FALSE SELF."
This alternate personna often comes across as grandiose, "above others," self-absorbed, and highly conceited.
[giggle]
Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and to ultimately lose
one's own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. A gaslighter's statements and accusations are often based on deliberate falsehoods
and calculated marginalization. The term gaslighting is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband tries to convince his wife
that she's insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.
Multiple studies and writings have been done on the impact of narcissism and gaslighting on relationships(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6). While each of
these often destructive pathologies is unique, there are certain behavioral overlaps. Following are six common traits, with references from
my books: "How to Successfully Handle Narcissists" and "How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying". Not all
narcissists and gaslighters possess every characteristic identified below. However, chronic narcissists and gaslighters are likely to
exhibit at least several of the following on a regular basis.
1. Frequent Lies and Exaggerations
Both narcissists and gaslighters are prone to frequent lies and exaggerations (about themselves and others), and have the tendency of
lifting themselves up by putting others down. While narcissists often strive to make themselves seem superior and "special" by showing off,
bragging, taking undeserved credit, and other forms of self-aggrandizement, gaslighters tend to concentrate on making you feel inferior
through false accusations, constant criticism, and psychological intimidation. Both narcissists and gaslighters can be adept at distortion
of facts, deliberate falsehoods, character assassinations, and negative coercions. One key difference is that while the narcissist lies and
exaggerates to boost their fragile self-worth, the gaslighter does so to augment their domination and control.
2. Rarely Admit Flaws and Are Highly Aggressive When Criticized
Many narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called to account for their negative behavior. When challenged,
the narcissist is likely to either fight (e.g., temper tantrum, excuse-making, denial, blame, hypersensitivity, etc.) or take flight (bolt
out the door, avoidance, silent treatment, sulking resentment, or other forms of passive-aggression). The gaslighter nearly always resorts
to escalation by doubling or tripling down on their false accusations or coercions, to intimidate or oppress their opponent. Many
gaslighters view relationships as inherently competitive rather than collaborative; a zero-sum game where one is either a winner or a
loser, on top or at the bottom. "Offense is the best defense" is a mantra for many gaslighters, which also represents their aggressive
method of relating to people.
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3. False Image Projection
"My husband always wants people to see him as successful, powerful, and envy-worthy, no matter how shaky his real life actually is." -
Anonymous partner of narcissist
Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to project false, idealized images of themselves to the world, in order to hide their inner
insecurities. Many narcissists like to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This "trophy complex" can exhibit itself
physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally. The
underlying message of this display is: "I'm better than you!" or "Look at how special I am - I'm worthy of everyone's love, admiration, and
acceptance!"
Gaslighters, on the other hand, often create an idealized self-image of being the dominant, suppressive alpha male or female in personal
relationships, at the workplace, or in high-profile positions of society (such as politics and media). Many gaslighters like to view
themselves falsely as all-powerful and strong, capable of dishing out judgments and penalties at will. Pathological gaslighters often take
pride and boost themselves up by marginalizing those whom they perceive as weaker, believing that the meek deserve their downtrodden fate.
They attack their victims with direct or subtle cruelty and contempt, gaining sadistic pleasure from these offenses, and betraying a lack
of empathy and humanity.
In essence, narcissists want others to worship them, while gaslighters want others to submit to them. In a big way, these external facades
become pivotal parts of their false identities, replacing the real and insecure self.
4. Rule Breaking and Boundary Violation
Many narcissists and gaslighters enjoy getting away with violating rules and social norms. Examples of narcissistic trespass include
cutting in line, chronic under-tipping, personal space intrusion, borrowing items without returning, using other's properties without
asking, disobeying traffic laws, breaking appointments, and negating promises. Examples of gaslighting trespass include direct or subtle
marginalizing remarks, public or private shaming and humiliation, sardonic humor and sarcastic comments, internet trolling, angry and
hateful speech, and virulent attacks on undesirable individuals and groups.
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Both narcissist and gaslighter boundary violations presume entitlement, with a narrow, egocentric orientation that oppresses and de-
humanizes their victims. In severe cases, this boundary violation pathology may result in illicit and underhanded dealings, financial
abuse, sexual harassment, date rape, domestic abuse, hate crimes, human rights violations, and other forms of criminality. Many narcissists
and gaslighters take pride in their destructive behaviors, as their machinations provide them with a hollow (and desperate) sense of
superiority and privilege.
5. Emotional Invalidation and Coercion
Although narcissists and gaslighters can be (but are not always) physically abusive, for the majority of their victims, emotional suffering
is where the damage is most painfully felt. Both narcissists and gaslighters enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions in order to
feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They habitually invalidate others' thoughts, feelings, and priorities, showing little
remorse for causing people in their lives pain. They often blame their victims for having caused their own victimization ("You wouldn't get
yelled at if you weren't so stupid!").
In addition, many narcissists and gaslighters have unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama - you never know what might
displease them and set them off. They become upset at any signs of independence and self-affirmation ("Who do you think you are!?"). They
turn agitated if you disagree with their views or fail to meet their expectations. As mentioned earlier, they are sensitive to criticism,
but quick to judge others. By keeping you down and making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel more reassured about
themselves.
6. Manipulation: The Use or Control of Others as an Extension of Oneself
Both narcissists and gaslighters have a tendency to make decisions for others to suit their own agenda. Narcissists may use their romantic
partner, child, family, friend, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover-up weaknesses and
shortcomings. Narcissists are also fond of using guilt, blame, and victim-hood as manipulative devices.
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Gaslighters conduct psychological manipulation toward individuals and groups through persistent distortion of the truth, with the intention
of causing their victims to question themselves and feel less confident. In personal and/or professional environments, they manipulate by
micromanaging (controlling) relationships, including telling others how they should think, feel, and behave under the gaslighter's
unreasonable restrictions and scrutiny. They often become critical, angry, intimidating, and/or hostile toward those who fail to bow down
to their directives. Gaslighter manipulation is often highly aggressive, with punitive measures (tangible or psychological) executed toward
those who fail to recognize and obey their self-perceived authority.
Perhaps the biggest distinction between narcissists and gaslighters is that narcissists use and exploit, and gaslighters dominate and
control. While the narcissist does so to compensate for a desperate sense of deficiency (of being unloved as the real self), the gaslighter
does so to hide their ever-present insecurity (of being powerless and losing control). Both of these pathological types betray an inability
and/or unwillingness to relate to people genuinely and equitably as human beings. They become "special" and "superior" by being less human
and by de-humanizing others.
In the worst-case scenario, some individuals possess traits of both narcissism and gaslighting. This is a highly toxic and destructive
combination of vanity, manipulation, bullying, and abuse - all unleashed in order to compensate for the perpetrator's deep-seated sense of
inadequacy and fear.
==================================================================================================================================
AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his little pencil neck to the
amusement of all.
Rudy's, Dilemma: He Can Dish It Out, But Crawls Upstairs and Cries To Mommy When Someone Shows Him For What He Is... An UNdeserved
Narcissist
"When Criticized, narcissists, like Rudy, Show Himself Woefully Incapable of Retaining Any Emotional Poise, Or Receptivity."
Sure, Rudy Thinks That Many Defenses Protect Him, But He's Only Fooling
Himself... It's a Cry For Help
The Basics:
What Is Narcissism?
Find A Therapist Who Understands Narcissism
(Usenet is Rudy's therapist and therapy... you're welcome)
Such a universal tendency is elevated almost to an art form with those
afflicted, like Rudy, with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
When criticized, Rudy the narcissist, shows himself woefully incapable of
retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity, and it really doesn't much
matter whether the nature of that criticism is constructive or destructive. He
just doesn't seem to be able to take criticism, period.
(Rudy can't go to bed or sleep, if there's an article left dangling, that shows
him to be the undeserved narcissist that he is, hence his replying to EVERY
article, as if THAT shows me... LOL)
At the same time, Rudy the disturbed individual, demonstrates an abnormally
developed capacity to criticize others ("dish it out", so to speak to "him",
even going as far as not even writing on the topic at hand).
(giggle... PERFECT)
Although Rudy the narcissist can't, or won't, show it, all perceived criticism
feels gravely threatening to him - the reason that his inflamed, over-the-top
reactions to it can leave us surprised and confused.
(not really.. it IS Rudy, after all)
Deep down, and clinging desperately not simply to a positive but grandiose
sense of self, Rudy feels compelled at all costs to block out any negative
feedback about himself, (hence the never-ending replies to ANY article about
him.)
Rudy's dilemma is that the rigidity of his defenses, his inability ever to let
his guard down, guarantees that he'll never get what he most needs, which he
himself is sadly oblivious of.
To better grasp why narcissists, like Rudy, , like Rudy, are so ready to attack
others and so unable to deal with being attacked himself, it's useful to
understand something about his childhood.
People aren't born narcissistic-it's powerful environmental influences that
cause him to become so.
(BINGO!)
As a caveat, however, I should add that no single theory adequately accounts
for every instance of NPD. The explanation I'll be offering, though seminal
among those proposed, is still just one of several. But even though it's a bit
oversimplified, I think it elucidates the essential dynamic of the narcissistic
defense system better than any of the theoretical alternatives.
Briefly, while growing up, future narcissists, like Rudy, had many reasons to doubt whether he was good enough.
Neglected and ignored, or constantly disparaged and berated by his parents,
Rudy was held to unrealistically high standards of behavior.
His caretakers were quick to judge him whenever he failed to live up to such
unreasonable, perfectionist expectations.
As a result, he couldn't help but feel defective, not okay, and insecure,
doubting his fundamental worth as a human.
In most instances, neither did he feel cared about or wanted-as though he were
factory seconds, to be tolerated but not respected or loved.
Anxiously experiencing his bond to his parents as tenuous, in his head, he
cultivated an imaginary "ideal self" (taller and more well-hung... LOL) that
could get the parental acceptance, even adulation, he craved.
If narcissistic adults project an air of importance, superiority, entitlement,
and grandiosity, it's a pronounced reaction, or OVER-reaction, to the massive
self-doubt that he keep well-hidden beneath his self-satisfied facade he
present to others.
Rudy's marked lack of accurate empathy for the feelings, wants, and needs of
others is all too well known. But what is less appreciated is that this
deficiency represents an unfortunate consequence of his growing up so
preoccupied with his own frustrated needs, and emotional distress generally,
that he could never develop sufficient sensitivity to others. Intensely driven
to succeed, or at least see himself as successful, his focus inevitably became
myopic, pathologically self-centered. Others simply weren't in his line of
(tunnel) vision.
Without any clear recognition of what's motivating Rudy in his relationships
as an adult, he continues to seek the encouragement, support, and acceptance
denied him earlier.
Yet, however unconsciously, at the same time, he's cultivated the strongest
defenses against ever having to feel so excruciatingly vulnerable again. And so
when Rudy criticized, or think Rudy being criticized, Rudy is compelled to
react aggressively, in the frantic effort to avoid re-experiencing the terrible
feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or rejection he suffered when he were
younger.
It's especially suggestive that two common terms in the psychoanalytic
literature used to describe NPD are "narcissistic injury" and "narcissistic
rage." The "injury" results from his parents' deficiencies in being able to
adequately nurture him, and so make him feel loved, a prerequisite for
self-love.
This is why he needs to prove himself constantly, arrogantly claiming
superiority over others that can make himself feel "good enough" to be loved.
"My education surpasses yours by far, "Fix-it guy at Citco." You know this."
"It's a neologism - a very good one at that. It describes when a highly
literate person like me inadvertently - and *rarely* - uses the wrong
word."
But ironically, it serves in time only to alienate others. (duh)
It's precisely this need to be viewed as perfect, superlative, or infallible
that makes Rudy so hypersensitive to criticism.
His typical reaction to criticism, disagreement, challenges can lead to the
"narcissistic rage" that is another of his trademarks.
"I'm probably wasting my time, because stupid, plodding, knuckle-dragging
right-wingnuts are not amenable to instruction..."
"Jane, you rancid mackerel-reeking cunt."
To protect his delicate ego in the face of such intensely felt danger, Rudy's
decidedly at risk for going ballistic against his perceived adversary.
This indicates why his artificially bloated sense of self is so fragile. Given
the enormity of his defenses, he regard himself not on a par with, but above,
others.
Yet Rudy's mortally threatened when anyone dares question his words or
behavior. Ancient fears about not being accepted are never that far from the
surface, which is why narcissists, like Rudy, must forever be on his guard with
anyone who might disbelieve or doubt him. For any external expression of doubt
can tap into his own self-doubts.
And this is why, though he can certainly "dish it out", he just can't "take it"
himself. Obviously, if the child self was unequivocally convinced about his
basic acceptability-adequately integrated into his adult self-he wouldn't need
to boast about his accomplishments, or vehemently debate anyone who took
exception to his viewpoint. But narcissists, like Rudy, see his best defense
as mandating a good offense.
To sum up the above, when criticized, narcissists, like Rudy, can begin to
experience anxiety or degradation. A certain shame at his non-family-bonded
core may rise perilously close to consciousness. By way of safeguarding himself
from such never-resolved feelings of worthlessness or defeat, Rudy's likely to
react to present-day threats with contempt or defiance, or with verbal violence
frequently referred to as narcissistic rage.
Exquisitely susceptible to criticism because it endangers his frail sense of
internal validation, he takes great pains to devalue or invalidate the person
criticizing him. To achieve such a dismissal, he'll do everything possible to
negate their viewpoint.
This can include much more than blaming or indignantly challenging him.
When Rudy's position has been exposed as false, arbitrary, or untenable,
he will suddenly become evasive, articulate half-truths, lie, flat-out
contradict himself and freely rewrite history (making things up as he go along).
This is why at such times, he doesn't seem like an adult, so much as a 6-year-old.
And in fact, when others inadvertently trigger mini emotional crises in him, there's
little doubt that, both cognitively and emotionally, he can regress.
So what's the final cost of all of Rudy's efforts to ward off what
constitutes for him the unbearable sting of criticism? As already suggested,
it's immense. Though not consciously realized by him, his heart's deepest
desire is to form an intimate bond with another that would successfully address
the huge void left by his parents' denigration or neglect.
But because Rudy's so strongly motivated to avoid re-experiencing this keenly
felt hurt, his overpowering defenses prevent him from letting anyone get close
enough to assist him in recovering from his pain.
(poor mommy!)
A pain that he conceals quite as much from himself as others.
